I will never figure out Rose. She works out every day at the gym, climbing the Stairmaster. True, this is massively offset by her indulgences at night, but recently we were driving to see Rufus Wainwright in concert. Once again she insisted we use the overly expensive valet parking. Why, if she spends money to climb imaginary stairs in the morning, would walking from the parking lot to the concert be a problem the very same evening?
I took Rose to a wild rooftop party last week. Rose had a fabulous time, although I had to stop her from throwing the finger food at the passers-by below. It's a problem of my own creating, of course - since she's become a regular feature in my column, she's taken on the responsibility of doing something outrageous each week to give me something to write about.
Rose's mood improved when she finally completed her income taxes and landed a decent refund. So now she's thinking more of a "getaway" instead of a vacation. For the uninformed, a getaway means I stay home and she goes alone, whereas a vacation indicates we are both going, but I'm paying. So, it looks like I might get another week without Rose in the near future so I can stay at home and watch television.
Rose is still making me eat humble pie for my column two weeks ago. It's not that she bears grudges, it's just that she knows when she's on to a good thing. So far, that column has cost me two dinners out, two new outfits for her, and a night at the theatre. I hope she forgives me before I'm bankrupt. Mind you, I've also been eating humble pie elsewhere: if the CEO of PowerBasic is to be believed, there is absolutely no truth in the rumour that, as I said last week, Microsoft is out to buy the company and fire all its employees.
Notes from the field: Rose is fuming about Bobby's accusations
Rose is back from Mexico, looking tan and fit. I picked her up from the San Francisco airport, and we went to her apartment where she was gratified to find 17 messages on her answering machine. She spent the next hour listening to and deleting her messages - several of which were from men with whom I'm not familiar.
Rose has yet to return from Mexico, but she left me an answering machine message to call her friend Jeremy and tell him we would attend his Academy Awards party. So I called to confirm and someone named Miguel answered. I told him we would attend the party. But then he asked me if I had my Super Bowl picks ready for the party, and not wanting to even know what that was supposed to mean I said yes, which he said was fabulous. But Miguel isn't the only one sending confusing messages last week. Steve Jobs held an event on the Apple campus about the company's move toward open source.
Rose has been sunning herself in Mexico, leaving me to my own devices. She went on vacation with her sister and brother-in-law, with whom I don't have a very good relationship - which is why I was left at home. Apparently, relations are also sour between security vendors Network Associates (NAI) and Internet Security Systems (ISS). It seems that ISS does not want NAIers accessing its Web site, and has barred all publicly registered NAI IP blocks from gaining access.
Always one to make snap judgements, it took Rose four minutes to decide that Monica Lewinsky was an immature tramp who deserved everything she got. But we still had to sit through the entire two-hour interview, because Rose wanted to see the bit when Monica burst into tears - which she assured me would happen, "because everyone who's interviewed by Barbara cries". I hear few users shed tears when Network Associates' forums went down a couple of weeks ago, as I reported then. A tipster says the company had been routinely deleting any posts it considers inappropriate.
It seems I was mistaken when I said Lotus is advertising Notes Release 5 only during Star Trek, but thanks to several readers who contacted me, I'm starting to build up a better picture of who Lotus sees as its target customer. From what I have gleaned so far, Lotus is pitching its product at IT managers with enquiring minds (the Discovery Channel) and small children (the Learning Channel), and those who are also conspiracy theorists (The X-Files). This is, of course, aside from what I already knew - that Lotus believes every customer walks around with fake pointy ears saying: "Live long and prosper."
Rose's mission to get arrested for smoking has kept her fully occupied for the past week, leaving me alone with TCI's Digital Cable service. I find that kind of ironic, since it was Rose who wanted us to get the service in the first place. Another thing that I found ironic - for a couple of reasons - was Lotus' bombardment of advertisements for Notes Release 5 during Star Trek Voyager the other night. I'm assuming that Lotus booked this ad time before the (latest) delay to Notes R5 was revealed.
Rose is on a crusade to become a martyr. She heard that under California's draconian anti-smoking laws, customers can now be fined for smoking in bars and has decided that she wants to be the test case. If she's caught smoking, she plans to refuse to pay the fine and take the matter to court, and has even managed to find an attorney who'll take the case - a chain-smoker she met in a bar, naturally. She hasn't the faintest idea what the legal grounds for her defence will be, but feels she has a good case. It turns out that I had right on my side when I suggested last October that MCI's Systemhouse unit was on the block - as you will no doubt have read already, it is being sold to Electronic Data Systems. I find that encouraging, because I've been hearing many similar acquisition rumours this week.
There is not one Robert X. Cringely. There are not two Robert X. Cringelys. In fact, there are eight Robert X. Cringelys. Or, rather, there is one Robert X. Cringely, and seven Robert Ex-Cringelys. To explain: there is another person out there calling himself Robert X. Cringely.
At Rose's suggestion, I had TCI install its digital cable service in my home. She's more of a television addict than me (I'd rather be reading a good book) and is also far more excited by new technologies. If you ask me, that's because she doesn't work in IT: it's my firm belief that anyone outside the world of IT thinks technology is capable of anything; anyone inside IT is only too well aware of its limitations.
Notes from the field: Bobby buys some time
